Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
