the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
