I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
