No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
