if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
