She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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