I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
