Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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