Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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