i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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