I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you inspire me to be a worse person
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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