you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
