Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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