if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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