All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
