Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I did not marry a roomba.
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