Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
