so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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