Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
