Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
