You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
