I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
