i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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