Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize