Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
