Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's shark week go big or go home
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
