honey bunches of taint.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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