I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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