don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
