Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
