I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
