Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
