4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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