my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
