She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
