Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
