Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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