At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
