i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
