i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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