Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
