I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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