i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
