Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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