In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
