I have demons in me.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
