I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
