How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
