The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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