hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
