I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
