I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
