Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
