i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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